apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize