your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
