We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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