I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
