A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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