The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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