ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
