Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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