he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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