I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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