is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
