He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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