I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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