Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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