He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
