I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
