Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
