Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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