you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
