You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
