Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
