I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
