do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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