No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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