the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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