i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
