Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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