I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
