I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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