I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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