Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
