I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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