it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
