I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
