is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
