never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
