i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
