He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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