Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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