i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
