you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
