dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
