onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
