Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
