He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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