You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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