A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
