Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
