Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
smell my finger.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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