Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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