u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
