found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
