Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
