I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize