i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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