My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
