I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
