I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
organizing the empties. That sober.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
