woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
