Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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