She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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