We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
