Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
