ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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