So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
