it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My vagina is officially offended.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
