OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
