yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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