I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
