They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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