the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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