Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
