guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
