I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
