He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's great music for shaving your balls
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
