just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
