I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
