nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize